Private and Personal
Originally posted to Adult BackWash, when I wrote a weekly column called Bait and Switch: Tuesday June 04, 2002
Most people focus on what they need and not what they can give. To me, that is the secret of male submission. Or at least what makes a real male submissive versus someone who just has a lot of fetishes and likes being ordered around. I've felt a kind of revulsion to the male subs who want to lick shoes, have a woman sit on their faces and assorted other fetishy things. What does that give to the Domme, slobber on her shoes and an uncomfortable seating position.
Today it occurred to me that at the root of all my feelings about what makes a good male submissive is one who knows what he can give, not what he wants or needs to take. Or at least one who understands that there is a difference. After all, Dommes are women, not blow up dolls.
In IRC chat I have had so many men approach me and start telling me what they want or need. It's really rare that one just talks and tells me about himself, real conversation about who he is and what might interest me about him. I don't mean I want a long list of how he will suck each of my toes, my clit and anything else he thinks he would enjoy doing for me.
That is the key, he would enjoy doing those things. What do I really get out of that? I'm probably not in the mood to even listen to some strange man babble on and on about pleasing me. Actually, I'm just contrary enough that anything he suggests will strike me as something I don't want any part of.
What I would really like is a sub male who is genuinely interested in getting to know me, as a person. Then, I'd like to know why he feels submissive, what he gets out of being a submissive (and I don't mean sex, cumming and all that boring stuff). Emotionally, what does it do for him and why? I want to know what he does when he wakes up and gets dressed each day. Does he like his career, how tall is he, does he laugh at life, is he grumpy in the morning, is he a smoker, does he have a hobby/ collection/ family/ pets? These are the things I really want to know. I don't give a rat's ass about seeing a picture of his face (or his cock!) at that point.
Also, I don't want to answer 20 questions about myself without getting any input about the man asking all the questions. I'm not stupid, I know when you are asking me about my measurements, bra size and how often I masturbate you aren't interested in me, just in jerking off yourself. If I get anything out of the exchange it's knowing I left you wanting more.
This is turning into my own private personals ad. But, if there is a male sub out there, about my age (30's) you can email me through BackWash. If you're interesting to me and interested in me, we could meet for coffee. You're buying, you're the giving one remember?
(Note - This post is outdated as I am no longer in my 30's and I am considering a male who seems to suit me).
