Updating my Old Profile on FetLife

I edited my profile on FetLife. Changed my name there too. I couldn't get SpiritoftheNight, or others I tried at first. I really would have like HerSelf. But, I found one that works (not already taken on the site) and suits me too.

I'm not expecting or allowing myself to hope I will meet someone. Well, truthfully, I've always been on the optimistic side so I can't say I'm not allowing myself some small smidgen of hope. I've tried for years and only found liars, cheats and perverts. Mainly, men put themselves and sex first, ahead of everything they say they want. They do not mean what they say. It is very discouraging.

Addendum - I changed it again. Its hard to write a profile for adult sites. It's hard to not sound like a bitch when you really just want to spare yourself having to deal with men who just don't get it. Literally and figuratively. I made a friendlier profile but left off the protection of telling them I don't want dink pics from random men, etc. I don't know why I spent most of my day working on this site and then on FetLife. It was not how I planned to spend the last day of November. 

Here is what I wrote (the first draft):

I am not a professional FemDom so skip off if that's what you came for. I know what being a Domme means to me. It's not casual or for sale.

The following profile sounds pretty stern and that isn't who I am. Yes, I am on the bossy side and I do things my own way, etc. But, I like to enjoy life and I have all sorts of interests. I like learning, especially about history and science. I'm a quiet person, an introvert. INTP. Non-smoker. Not a dog person (allergic to animals). I play PC games on Steam. I read a lot - mainly science fiction, horror, classics and non-fiction. I photograph abandoned, ruined and old buildings around Ontario. I'm a visual artist and web publisher/ producer.

I am not looking for someone, though finding someone would be a nice surprise. I've been involved in the BDSM community online and locally for many years so I know how unlikely it is to find someone sincere with more to offer than a list of sex games and a bag of toys.

I am NOT interested in casual sex or playing around. I know most of you think everyone here is for casual sex and playing around but... you're wrong. I am not interested in your sex drive, or photos of you which don't include your face - clothing is not optional. I am not posting smutty photos and I don't want them sent to me by some guy.

Regardless, the following is here to provide information for those who care to read it. I am very unlikely to reply to men who don't follow my rules. I'm a Domme by choice, not because some guy asked me to.

Do not start by telling me how you can serve me. This is personal for me and you don't know what I want until I tell you.

Must be:

• male and straight (not bi, bi-curious, or bi in another profile).
• live north of the GTA (that's in Ontario, Canada).
• 55-ish in age (young men are nice but what would I really do with you that wouldn't make me feel like I'm corrupting a minor).

Should be:

• submissive, with some style or genre. No generic do-me types. Know what you want, really, not just stuff you read on a porn site.
• looking for a real human woman not a blow up doll or a free McDomme. I'm a person, so are you. I hope.
• single, not cheating on someone and thinking that's okay.

I am not keen on sissys and diapers. I would rather have an adult man than someone who feels like a child I have to play pretend with. Do you know how lonely that is? I do. I'm looking for a man to spend time with, not a babysitting job.

I've seen men complain that women get lots of replies, notes, posts, etc while men are lucky to get even one. There is a pretty big reason for that. Men get replies from women who are interested in the person they are writing to. Women read the profiles and consider how they could suit each other. Men, most of you, don't do that. You see your basic criteria, send a post that is little more than ASL (age, sex, location) and blast away. Usually, she spent quite a bit of time writing a profile only to have it ignored, discounted, or not read at all. It's very discouraging for women to read through all of that because it shows you really have no interest in who she is because you don't care. It's a popularity contest no one wins. So stop doing it. If you just want something to screw buy a sex doll. They're still easy to fix with a little glue and some plastic. It doesn't work that way with human beings. If you want to meet a woman, a real person, treat people like human beings, not blow up sex dolls.

Men's Crossdressing Underwear

I have some understanding for crossdressing, limited. It doesn't interest me. If I want to wear pants, I wear them. Not be masculine but because I want to wear pants. I don't desire or have a fetish to be something other than a woman. So, that part I don't understand. However, I know are those who want to be crossdressers for the sake of being feminine/ masculine/ something other, like furries. Why not include them? It's a culture involving dressing in costume and playing a part.

How far does it go? For some it gets a bit creepy, in my opinion. But, it also gets expensive, the farther you take it. I found crossdresser underwear which includes balls, on Amazon today. I'm not sure how they are meant to work, or look.

To be honest, the only interest a crossdressing man would have for me would be humililation and tormenting him. This would work far better if he embarrassed easily, even better if he blushes, and otherwise reacts submissively. At the time. I don't have the patience for a full time sissy type. Not just the micro managing but the lack of maturity would wear thin. Also, the femininity. I'm not one of those women who enjoys cosmetics, shopping and other stereotypical female things.

Anyway, here are the underwear, posted for your edification. A better word than amusement.

(Archived from 1998) 3 Essays on Finding a Domme, by Ms. Margo

Three Essays on Finding a Domme by Ms Margo

• On Patience Or, How Do I Get A Dom, An·way?
• "How do I find a Dom/Dominant/Dominatrix/domme/Goddess/Mistress/dominant Lady/dominate woman?
• On Petitions... Or, How do I get a Mistress to accept my petition?

    "I have encountered a creature so gracious, so delicate, so noble that I cannot praise her so much nor love her so much that she would not deserve more. . . .[love put out her] nets of gold, spread among flowers, woven by Venus, so pleasant and easy that though a churlish heart might have broken them, I had no wish to do so, and for a bit I enjoyed myself in them until the tender threads became hard and secured with knots beyond untying.... And though I seem to have entered into great labor, I feel in it such sweetness ... that, if I could free myself, I would not wish to do so for anything in the world. I have abandoned all thoughts and affairs that are grave and serious; I no longer delight in reading ancient things or discussing modem ones; they are all turned into soft conversations, for which I thank Venus and all Cyprus.... [as to greater things] I have never found anything in them but harm, and in those of love always good and pleasure. Farewell!"

    Yours,
    Niccoló Machiavelli

Is There a FemDom's Bill of Rights?

I like to look at gender based things and change them around, see how they still fit when the gender role is changed. In the case of BDSM I also like to change it around from sub to Dom. Read the following, keeping in mind gender and D/s roles. 

The Boys' Bill of Rights

1. Every boy has the right to have his body, intellect, and emotions protected by his Dom.

2. Every boy has the right to choose the man whom he serves and to discontinue that service and take his leave without being subjected to physical, mental, or emotional abuse.

3. Every boy has the right to be cared for, disciplined appropriately, and allowed to feel pride in his submission.

4. Every boy has the right to protected sex if he so wishes.

5. Every boy has the right to privacy if he so wishes. No boy can be blackmailed, publicly humiliated, or physically coerced into service without his expressed desire to be so.

6. Every boy has the right to defend himself from physical, sexual, and emotional abuse.

7. Every boy has the right to consent or not to consent to sexual activities.

8. Every boy has the right to seek refuge, counsel, and advice from other subs and Doms without the expectation of sex, money, or any other service in return.

9. Every boy has the right to a physically and emotionally available circle of friends.

10. Every boy has the right to protect his own possessions and finances against intercession, theft, and non-consensual acquisition.

Who do you think this was written for, originally? (Yes, it's pretty obvious, but could it work for FemDom and male sub and then could it still work (rewritten and somewhat reworded) as The FemDom's Bill of Rights? Does it feel strange to even think of a FemDom having rights like these? If so, maybe you have some re-thinking to do.

Old is New Again

I don't know where these came from originally. I have them on a hard drive back up from 2005. I especially like the first image, subtle and suggestive.

A Short Story for David

I'm watching TV... not really paying much attention to it.

My little man brings in the coffee. He's wearing that cute little apron we found last week. That's all he's wearing. I watch his bare feet, then up along the backs of his legs to his butt cheeks as he walks away, off to do the laundry.

Weekends are nice, when you're a Domme. What new little torment can I think of for my little man...?

I hear the washing machine start up. Then the clothes dryer starts up. I like the smell of fresh dried clothes and how nice and warm they are when they first come out of the machine.

"Little man...?" I call to him.

His head pops around the doorway, ""Yes, Madam."

"Bring those towels from the dryer, here."

In a minute he is back with the towels, not yet folded. I press one to my face, so warm and soft. There are not half a dozen towels in the pile, but I only need one more. No point in making him re-wash all of them.

Standing up, I take off my shirt, slip my pants down to my ankles and step out of them. From the bottom of the pile, I pull out the warmest towel and set it down on the couch behind me, spread out. Before I sit down I pull off my panties. When I sit down I feel the warm towel on my butt cheeks, it's soothing and comfortable.

"Kneel before me, boy."

He does, his face looking hopeful. His breathing has changed, but I'm pretty sure he hasn't noticed all these little things about himself. His eyes are on my boobs, the only part of me still clothed.

I smile at him then lean forward to kiss him and give his bottom lip a little bite. "Unfasten my bra."

I flip my hair forward, making sure it brushes his face and chest. His hands are sure and quick at the hook and eyes behind me. I hold the front of my bra rather than let it fall off too easily. Leaning back I smirk up at him as I wiggle myself forward inching my hips to the end of the couch. He has to back up before my knees push him away.

"This towel is so nice and warm on my bum. Feel my bum."

His hands start on my knees, one on each side. He slides his hands down my thighs, his fingertips gradually slipping lower until he is cupping my hips. "You feel very nice." He says.

"My boobies are a bit cold." I whisper.

"May I kiss them?" He asks.

"Not yet. Open my legs and kneel between my thighs."

He knows what to do, what I want. His hands slide back up to my knees, on the outside of my thighs. At my knees his fingers slip between my knees, pushing them apart slightly. Then he runs his hands up along the inside of my thighs, gently pushing my legs apart. I'm already wet and I know he can smell and see how much I'm enjoying this. I relax back against the couch, letting my thighs fall open farther.

"Now you can kiss my boobies."

I know this is not exactly what he wanted at that moment. The flicker of disappointment on his face makes me laugh quietly.

My bra is removed, but he holds back a moment, admiring the curves of my breasts and my nipples. He presses his face between my breasts, kissing the valley before moving to the peaks. I pretend not to notice his hands, placed on top of my thighs with his thumbs just brushing the lips of my pussy. The almost there touches are making me want more.

By now he is kissing and sucking one breast and then the other. He makes those funny little noises and I can see the apron has started to tent out in front of him.

"Stop." He freezes in place. "Lean back so I can see you, lift your apron so I can see your cock."

Reluctantly he removes his hands from me and lifts his apron. "Should I take it off?"

"No. It looks cute covering your happy, little cock." He lets the apron fall. "What may I do for you now, Madam?"

"You may kiss and lick my pussy and suck on my clit."

"Thank you, Madam."

"You'e welcome." It really is nice being a Domme on the weekends.

D/s Wedding Cake Toppers

I like this last one best but can't find a better image for it. She is holding the key to his ball and chain. Cute and you could put it on the cake without people really knowing it's anything more than cute and cheeky.

Hugging Her

Found on Hidden Urge.

Tuxedo on a Leash

Found on Tumblr. I still don't have it figured out for sharing links there. Took me awhile to get comments working again too. Now I know you have to sign up for a secondary service, Disqus. My ex-husband told me.

Taking Him Softly

I found these on another blog. But had a few windows open. When everything froze up, likely from too much being open, I could not find the same blog again to link to the images. It is one which I have added to the links of my sidebar. So, eventually I will find it again.

Domme Bride

I was looking for an image of a Domme bride. Didn't find just what I was looking for. But this one was on Domme Pics.

Types of Gorean Slaves

I like the Gorean style for male submissives. They have gone into so much detail. The service and ownership side of the Gore way of D/s is intricate and sexy. I like to keep information as I find it. Each point can be adapted to my own wants and needs as a Domme.

Types of Slaves


barbarian: a native of the planet Earth, usually used in a derogatory sense in reference to slave girls from that planet. Also defined as slave girls captured from outlying regions or cities. Barbarian slave girls from Earth are considered shamelessly sensual. (Assassin of Gor, page 20; Book 17: Savages of Gor, page 83)

below deck girl: the term used for slave girls transported in the hold of a ship; they are held in individual cages and because of infestations of lice, all of their body hair is shaved; the term 'below-deck girl' is used derisively especially by those slave girls allowed to remain on deck in cages, who need not have shaved heads, though all slaves on a slaver ship are unclothed. (Slave Girl of Gor, page 318 - 321)

bond-maid: In the north, the bond-maid is reffered to as a woman whose belly lies beneath the sword. (Marauders of Gor, page 87)

chamber slave: A slave assigned to a chamber who may be used and 'temporarily' owned by any Master who resides within said chamber for any period of tim. The number on the collar matches the number for the chamber/room. (Priest-Kings of Gor)

clad kajir: among the Wagon Peoples, this phrase refers to slaves who wear four articles; the curla, chatka, kalmak and koora. (Nomads of Gor, page 30)

coin girl: A slave girl who with a coinbox and triangular flat bell chained around her neck is sent out in the streets of a city to earn money from masters in return for her sexual use.

debtor slut: one who is more of a free woman, unowned and yet collared, serving as a debt or to 'earn her keep' (the concept of "earning one’s keep," in one sense, a strict legal sense, is more appropriate to a free woman than a slave) and pay off debts she may have rung up by 'toying' with a Free Man; she may serve sexually even; it is said that such a woman 'comes cheap' and of course her use costs less than the use of a typical slave (Vagabonds of Gor)

display slave: a slavegirl whose primary purpose is for the display of her beauty to reflect the affluence of her Master; often chained in coffle with other display slaves behind the palanquin or other transport of her Master

draft slave: (Raiders of Gor, page 15)

earth girls: slave girls abducted from Earth called barbarians. They are considered among Goreans to be the lowest and hottest of slaves. (Guardsman of Gor, page 67)

exotic: a slave male or female bred for special purposes producing quaint or unusual purposes; the slave may be bred for pleasure purposes or just for showcase purposes, such as the sweet curling of a lip or more hideously for long earlobes or a curviture of the spine; an example is the passion slave. (Raiders of Gor, page 15)

fighting slaves: collared slaves, squaring off against one another in the sand often in competition, stripped to the waist. The slaves may or may not carry a weapon such as a hook knife; the victor may or may not win his freedom. (Assassin of Gor) in effect gladiators, men purchased for use as bodyguards or combatants in arranged games. (Fighting Slave of Gor)

first girl: a slave who is put in charge of other girls; given power by her Master/Owner to oversee other slaves, perhaps a specific set of slaves: work slaves, kitchen slaves, etc; she may often do so much as punish those slaves put beneath her. See also lead girl. (Slave Girl of Gor; Captive of Gor, page 295; Nomads of Gor}

flute girl: slave trained in the fine art of music.

galley slave: used for menial, back breaking tasks. (Raiders of Gor)

kettle girl: often said to be too ignorant to even train to be a slave. (Assassin of Gor)

kitchen slave: (Assassin of Gor)

lead girl: a slave who is put in charge of other girls; in the books she even directs the guards to do certain things to the slaves; addressed by the slaves beneath her as 'mistress'

love slave: a slave who is loved by her Master and taken for His love for her, often the most 'perfect' of bondages is between a love slave and her love Master. (Magicians of Gor)

luck girl: a slave girl who acts as mascot onboard ship; her use is usually reserved for the captain of the ship but she may be shared with the crew usually as a disciplinary measure. (Book 16: Tribesmen of Gor, page 61)

mul: slaves of the Priest-Kings (Priest-Kings of Gor)

passion slave: a slave girl who has been bred rather captured; specifically one that has been bred for a particular trait such as beauty or slave heat or the shape of her lips. (Priest Kings of Gor, page 53)

peirced-ear girl: a common Turian custom which became popular after the fall of Turia to the Wagon Peoples; such a girl is permanently marked as the most abject of slaves. (Captive of Gor, pages 157, 167 and 319; Savages of Gor, page 10-11)

pleasure slave: a slave girl whose main function is sexual servitude to her master; traditionally she kneels with her knees spread wide and her hands either resting on her thighs or in some cities crossed behind her ready for binding. (Captive of Gor, page 101)

pot girl: a slave girl whose main function is cooking and other menial tasks. (Assassin of Gor, page 164)

red silk girl: A slave girl who is not a virgin, or, as is said on Gor, her body has been 'opened by men'. (Savages of Gor, page 205; Blood Brothers of Gor, page 472; Dancer of Gor, pages 128 and 204)

sa-fora: slavegirl; Chain Daughter or Daughter of the Chain. (Nomads of Gor, page 30; Hunters of Gor ,page 194)

seduction slave: a slave used to trap an unwitting Free Woman into couching with him so that she may be bonded to his owner by law. (Magicians of Gor)

serving slaves: often uncollared within the house; sent about to tend to tidying up and cleaning and feeding new slaves. (Assassin of Gor)

she-urts: short for 'she-urts of the wharves' homeless free girls - runaways, vagabonds, orphans, etc. - who live near the canals in port cities surviving by scavenging begging stealing and sleeping with paga attendants; they sleep wherever they find space and usually wear a brief tunic instead of Robes of Concealment. (Explorers of Gor, page 62)

silk girl: term used by those of Torvaldsland to denote a slavegirl from the southern cities; often used disparagingly.(Marauders of Gor, page 144)

silk slave: a male pleasure slave. His function, unlike the common kajirus, is attendance to a free woman. (Fighting Slave of Gor, pages 157 and 164; Mercenaries of Gor, page 437)

state slave: slave owned by the city or state; wears a distinctive color or garment for the state; often may have short/shorn hair that is brushed back from the face (Assassin of Gor; Raiders of Gor)

white silk girl: a virgin or as is said on Gor, a slave who has not been 'opened by men'. (Savages of Gor, page 205; Blood Brothers of Gor, page 472; Dancer of Gor, page 128)

pagar kajira: pleasure slave

work girl: a simple slave sent to the duties of working, cleaning, kitchen, washing, etc... beneath many of the other slaves, the lowest of the low.(Captive of Gor)

Slave Collars

This comes from Gorean Impressions, a post about collars and collaring from the typical Gore theme of the male Dom and female submissive. But, the ideas are about the same, just reversed.

Collars

Their are reasons for why a slave wears a collar:
1) Visibly designates a girl as slave
2) Impresses a girl's slavery upon her, makes her more aware of her slavery
3) Identifies her Master
4) Makes it easier to leash her
5) Makes it easier to put her in various ties/restraints
6) Because it is beautiful
7) Because it pleases the Master to do so


A collar is the most personal item that a slave may wear. It not only designates her as slave but it also is often enscribed with her owner's name. A collar may be as simple as a piece of cloth of fiber and as intricate as gold with jewels upon it.

The collar, unlike the brand, is not permanent and may be changed within the same house or by the same Master or as the slave is sold from Master to Master (Tarnsman of Gor), just like the slave's nick may be changed.

A slave's collar often denotes her rank. Perhaps a lowly kettle slave may wear a fiber collar or at most an iron collar. A slave purely trained for pleasure may wear an enamelled collar of yellow or red or whatever color her owner sees fit to put her in. A love slave may even bare a collar encrustled or dangling with jewels. A punished slave may wear a collar with bells upon it so that her master may not find her 'sneaking' upon him.

"Where in Tharna," I asked, "did you find Pleasure Slaves?" I had noted that the throats of the girls were encircled by silver collars.{Outlaw of Gor}

The last book of the series states that a slave should have the new collar put upon her throat before the old is taken off. This way the slave feels no sense of freedom, even if only for a few ihn.

I then fetched the collar, designed to resemble a state collar, from the flat leather box. I went behind her and locked it on her neck, above the Appanius collar. She now wore two collars. I then removed the Appanius collar from her neck. In this way there was no moment in which she was not in at least one collar.{Magicians of Gor, 358}

It is said that once the collar is off the girl is in fact free. She may be free for just the moment or she may be freed to become the Master's Free Companion.

Different cities/regions are known to have their own style of collar. For instance the Turian collar is round and loose. The Bazi-style collar is wide, tapered towards the top, belled out at the bottom, and commonly inscribed and/or enameled with intricate designs and motifs which signify the Owner and/or the nature of the kajir.

The collars of the male slaves are often not lock collars. The collars are even hidden so that they may not see how numerous they really are.

Whether or not there were male slaves I could not well judge, for the collars would have been hidden by the gray robes. There is no distinctive garment for a male slave on Gor, since, as it is said, it is not well for them to discover how numerous they are. {Outlaw of Gor}

Types of Collars

Bazi style collar: a wide collar, tapered towards the top, belled out at the bottom, and commonly inscribed and/or enameled with intricate designs and motifs which signify the Owner and/or the nature of the kajir.

cord collar: made of cord fashioned from the rence plant it is worn by rencer slaves and carries a small disk to identify the owner.

dance collar: a collar to which light- weight (but effective) chain has been attached in order to set off the dancer.

fiber collar: a simple collar made only of cloth or fiber. (Raiders of Gor)

galley slave collar: a heavy collar often having a chain hanging from it; for use with galley slaves. (Raiders of Gor)

house collar: often portrayed the name of the house where the slave belonged to, the house normally bearing the name of the owner; often bearing a legend--for example 'I am the property of the House of Cernus'; sometimes it would even say from which part of the house, such as the baths; sometimes even the cost for the use of the slave would be engraved into the metal of the collar; might even be just a chain with a plate on it. (Assassin of Gor)

iron collar: simply a collar made of iron; often hammered upon the slave's neck; it is not meant to be a beautiful collar, instead it is often used as mere incitement for the slave to train and gain a more beautiful collar. (Assassin of Gor; Raiders of Gor)

ko-lar: Gorean word meaning slave collar; pronounced as 'collar'; this term is not used often in the books, mostly the word 'collar' is used. (Slave Girl of Gor, page 80)

lock collar: A step above an ironed on collar; denoted sometimes as a 'pretty collar.' (Assassin of Gor)

message collar: high leather collar sewn closed about the slave's neck; sewn within the leather of the collar will be a message. (Priest-Kings of Gor)

northern collar: a utilitarian sounding collar made of black iron with an iron ring to be used if a chain is attached. It is rivited around the neck of the bond-maid. (Marauders of Gor, page 85)

pen collar: not a typical locked collar, more a narroe band of iron, hammered on, with a number for slaves in the iron pens. (Assassin of Gor)

plank collar: two-piece board hinged at one end and capable of being locked at the other.
plate collar: simple hammered collar. (Raiders of Gor)

shipping collar: a loose, generic colar worn by slaves when being shipped as cargo; a temporary collar showing that the slave girl is part of a cargo. (Explorers of Gor, page79)

state slave collar: has a certain color designating the city the slave is owned by; often greay; Ar's state slaves wear grey. (Raiders of Gor; Assassin of Gor)

transport collar: collar with a metal tag attached listing destination or other vital information, to be used during transport of a slave.

Turian collar: round metal

wall collar: a slave is collared and chained to the wall (Assassin of Gor)

Muscles on Display

Muscles look nice don't they?