Good Bye to Darla Darling, Sex Blogger

Should you wonder, or slightly notice, I changed my name. I've used Darla Darling online for several years but it was not right for me. Also, I stopped paying for (or using) the divorcedarling.com domain so I felt I had cut my last thread of connection with Darla Darling. She had her time and place.

I've gone back to an older name, Spirit of the Night. I like it better.

Good bye Darla Darling. I'll likely delete the other social media and email accounts in her name too. I don't like having too many accounts to deal with. Just one is far nicer, intimate and simple.

I'd rather write about sex (not the right word) without being so visible as someone pretending to have a name. Of course, I have one, a real name, a real face, a real life. That's the point. Those things are mine and I don't choose to share them randomly.

Sometimes you just want to keep what's yours.

If you're in the UK Today... Eroticon

You could be at Eroticon today. Hope they have a great turn out. I would have gone if it weren't so far away. Plus, I just wandered into the link this afternoon.

Am I a Mutant Freak?

Original post from Adult BackWash, when I wrote a weekly column called Bait and Switch: Thursday May 30, 2002

I set up this column with Ringman, the Backwash founder, in secrecy. In fact, I've been around Backwash about a year on and off. I write another column over in original Backwash. But, I didn't feel comfortable coming out about my BDSM side. There are a lot of stereotypes for women. Things a nice girl does and doesn't do. Nice girls get treated like nice girls and those other girls, well, they're just sluts aren't they?

At one point in my life I thought I was going to die a virgin. I was over 30 when I had sex with a real live human male. I actually took my own cherry with a vibrator I bought in an adult store and I was in my later 20's then. Even that had to happen when I was thousands of miles away from home.

Not that my Mother was/ is someone prim and proper. Heck, I was her second pregnancy and she was 20 when I was born. The first pregnancy was aborted. If it hadn't been for that kid's being aborted I wouldn't be here today. Mom told me that she didn't want to abort a second baby so she married my Dad. My Dad is a jerk most of the time, I've always thought she should have run while she could.


Anyway, that's all getting way off the topic. I grew up as a nice girl in a middle class neighborhood in the suburbs of a very large city. Sex wasn't something taboo but we weren't about to open up a bordello for a bit of extra income either. You get the idea.

I was a virgin for so long because I didn't meet any guy I wanted to get naked with. You are pretty vulnerable at that point. My Dad spent a lot of years heaping emotional abuse on me, mainly about how I looked. That didn't make me feel better about myself and I often loaded up on goodies to make up for it. So, by the time I was 20 I was chubby, had less than perfect skin and any time I might have a bit of self esteem it would be blown to bits when ever I looked at movies, magazines and all the other places "they" tell us we should all look like air brushed photos of skeletal women.

So, dropping my drawers was pretty much the last thing I wanted to do to attract the opposite sex. I think I choose my husband as my first (and only) lover because he was someone who felt a lot like I did. We were both virgins. But, if anyone asks me what the hottest sex I have ever had was, that was it! To be touched so reverently, cautiously, it made me feel like a goddess- priceless, valued and very sexy. Of course, that's all dust in the wind now.

Anyway, am I a mutant freak? Does anyone else have kinky fantasies or better yet, kinky sex? Does it turn you on to think of being seduced? Do you have rape fantasies? Do you think it would be fun to tie up a strong man and have your way with him? Or do you really, secretly just want to be Daddy's little girl?

The Mechanics of Sex

Originally posted to Adult BackWash: Tuesday April 08, 2003  

When you write erotica the mechanics of sex are interesting. The what can go where and when becomes as much your focus as the actual story. For instance, you wouldn't want to write that you left the male submissive tied to a tree wearing nothing but a pair of shoes and then write that his cock was hard, pushing his panties out in front of him. Things have to follow along in order, logical order. It gets more complicated in a sex scene where two bodies are closer and all the arms and legs get in the way.


It's hard to keep watching for where the fingers are. Luckily people tend to have two arms and all those fingers. It makes it so much easier to have that second hand wandering after you leave the first one at a crucial point. Still, there is the matter of reach to be considered. Two arms attached to the same body can't reach from head to toe if the mouth in engaged on a nipple. It just won't work.

Then there is the whole general positioning thing. If both are facing each other you have all those body parts in good reach. But, turn one away and one person has a limited reach. It would be impossible to stand turned away from someone and reach back and grab a nipple. Well, not impossible but not easy and likely a strategically placed mirror would be a big help.

Which brings me to another tricky part, toys and equipment. You can't write about ball gags if you've never (at least) seen one. If you've never seen a leather mask how can you write about it's use? If you don't know how a whip is used can you write about whipping someone in a safe, sane, consensual way?

The mechanics of sex can definitely backfire on you in erotica. That's why it's so good to stick with what you know. Of course, you can also have all the fun of getting to know more, trying new things and exploring your options.

If I Was A Prostitute

Originally posted to Adult BackWash: Tuesday May 25, 2004  

The question of the night is... What am I doing here?

Me, the good girl. Yes, I know you've heard that before. But now add to that the daughter of the deceased. When is it ok to start writing erotica again after a death in the family? Do they have a Miss Manners Guide for bad girls? Or even for good girls who like to play with the bad girls? Or just my own personal Miss Manners Guide to my own personal life since no one else seems to be looking for the same polite rules of conduct I'm looking for. I'm an oddity. I've heard it before.


Gracie and Big Blonde have a past. They were (are) professional women. Not lawyers, doctors or that sort of thing. Though, who knows what they might start next week?!

But, me, I'm a dud. I know... here you thought I could teach your old dog a few new tricks and you read about my wicked ideas and had such high hopes. Let me crush those for you now. I could be a born again virgin. I think I will just give up on the whole thing. I'm getting too old. Besides, I am very well self taught when it comes to pleasing women, one woman anyway.

Is there some point when a man just gets in the way?

I think that must be the reverse of prostitution or being a hooker, whore, etc. I won't even type the nastier ones. If you are being paid to please a man you can't start off by thinking he is in the way, can you? Not very good customer service. Even I know that just as a cashier and I only have to count their change. If I prefer I don't even have to physically touch them. I do prefer it that way actually. Do you know how gross some people really are, up close? ICK! It's enough just taking their money.

If I was a prostitute I would make them all wear full body condoms. I don't even want one curly little hair escaping. Yes, suffocation is a danger, but not for me! He can take the risk. If he really seems to be suffering I'll poke an air hole somewhere. I'm not completely mean.

If I was a prostitute I would always be the Domme. No way could I submit to some guy I've just met. Most of them are drooling idiots anyway. How can you submit to someone you're laughing at on the inside?

If I was a prostitute I would demand references from their last three lovers, up front. I don't want someone fumbling around pretending they have a clue. If I have to show them where my clit is they might as well just play with themselves awhile and then get out. Would they know the difference? I think not.

But, I'm not a prostitute. I'm not about to become one though the money would come in handy. I don't think I can become dettached enough. Plus it should all be about me, pleasing me, how good I feel, etc. If it becomes about pleasing some dickhead of a guy... that's just gross. What's in it for me? Me! Me! Me!

Maybe that's the difference between a nice girl and a bad girl. Nice girls always finish last. If at all. No wonder I don't fit in.

Now if only Martha would return my calls about the whole erotica writing/ good manners thing.

-
Give a man a free hand, and he'll try to run it all over you. - Mae West

Confessions of a Sex Blog Reviewer

Originally posted to Adult BackWash: Saturday March 20, 2004  

I review sex blogs, journals and resources for sex blogs and journals. You might think that was a lot of fun, pretty stimulating too. Mostly it's on the dull side.

Sites are all too often hard to navigate, full of links to paying sites and no content of their own or they just don't interest me. I will list most of the sites that fall into the realm of bloggishness. Not the spammy ones or those not updated more than every now and then when they get a round tuit. If you wouldn't read it why should it be listed? That's my theory anyway.


Today there were 3 sites submitted to the adult journals category. Of the three one was last updated August, 2003. An obvious spam for a phone sex service. Deleted, with a note added in case it is re-submitted. Saves me some time and clicking.

The other two were worthy of consideration. One was a blog service type of thing. Not really all that interesting but I listed it anyway. It did seem to be getting updated and for someone browsing the web it would be useful. The other site was an actual sex blog, with a journal and everything. I listed it and skimmed along myself. I did not get turned on. But, did check out her links before leaving. From there I found one other good site and listed that too.

So, now you know. All the perks of being a sex blog reviewer. One nice plus is finding links to add to BackWash. What? You thought I just found them all by my sweet little self? No, I think most of them come from browsing one site to the next. You never know where you will end up. Of course, another interesting way to find links is to randomly type something in to a search and see what oddities come along. Usually I can find at least one unusual and interesting site that way.

Not a very interesting journal this time. I'm just not feeling up to it. But, I thought you might be missing me. We dragons do have our egos.

Writing Erotica

Originally posted to Adult BackWash: Saturday August 23, 2003  

Writing is always taking a chance, putting yourself out there, on a limb. I think that is even more so when you are writing fiction with fewer guides to track yourself and maintain your anonymity. You are putting more of yourself on paper than you think at the time, if you're doing a good job. Especially when you write about sex. It's already a taboo, hushed up subject. So, to write about your personal sex life or your thoughts about the whole thing in general is kind of setting yourself up for a fall each time. You are exposing yourself to the judgment of the masses. Not so different from getting into a car every day and hoping no one will smash into you. We trust the other drivers to be self interested enough to avoid accidents. But, when you are writing, the self interest is all on the writer's side. The reader is a complete unknown, out to please themselves.


Anyway, I decided to write about writing erotica. Most of the rules are the same when it comes to punctuation, grammar, spelling all that proper rules of the page sort of thing. I think the biggest challenge for writing erotica is keeping it from being boring. As if sex could be boring, right? Well, it can. Try reading the same thing a hundred times. He puts it in her, she likes it, they come. There, that's a sex scene. Was it good for you?

While you wipe yourself down...

When a story has no real plot or character development, just mechanical sex with a lot of naughty words and phrases tossed in it becomes more stroke fiction than erotic fiction. This might please a reader who just wants to jack off but someone who wants to actually become aroused and linger in arousal leading to foreplay, will be disappointed and likely frustrated too.

Another unique challenge to writing about sex, the name calling. What do you call it? My personal preference is cock for the penis. It has a blend of cuteness and crudeness that I seem to favour. As far as the vagina, I've sort of settled on pussy for lack of anything better. I don't like it though. If something else comes along I'll be glad to switch. There are so many variations for breasts, vagina, penis, butt, sex, come and so on. As the writer you have to find words you can live with and words your readers won't laugh at or not understand.

Avoid 10 inch cocks, breasts like watermelons, anything that will seem improbable to your readers. Errors of mechanics are just that, things that are not easily believed. You can't have a character doing something that he/ she couldn't physically do. That is where really proofreading your work comes in. See the action in your head as you read it over. Make sure it's clear who is doing what to whom.

Erotic writing tends to use a lot of metaphors and similes. Things like "her pussy was wetter than the whole of Lake Ontario". I'd personally choose not to use that one, though I did just make it up on the spot. (Don't blame someone else). You want to keep your metaphors as part of the action, don't make them stand out and drag readers out of the story and into your writing. The idea is to keep them fully involved in the action, not in your sensational writing. Also, use phrases that don't sound gross or silly.

Break up your sentences and paragraphs. The breaks are the spots where the reader breathes and moves onto the next part of the action/ plot. You can also use short sentences to spike the action. A short sentence gets attention and stands out. But don't go overboard. Any writing should have transitional sentences at the end of one paragraph and the start of the next, it keeps things flowing without awkward pauses while the reader catches up with you.

Don't forget to use dialogue. This also breaks up the story and keeps it interesting. Reading solid text is boring. Just pick up a text book and see how erotic you feel. Reading solid chunks of text takes patience. When the action is moving fast your sentences and paragraphs should be short. Using dialogue is one way to keep things short and moving.

Sex is a sensual thing, it involves the five senses: touch, sight, smell, sound and taste. Include them in your writing. It brings things to life for the reader. Bringing senses into play draws them into the scene and the ongoing action.

Yet again, character development and motivation. Even erotica should have some point or reason. Why are your characters interested in each other? What are they thinking? How do they look? Who are they? When is all this happening? Give some purpose to the sex. Develop the erotica into a storyline, make things happen besides two bodies bumping together.

At the end, you need a conclusion, something to mark the end, to let the reader know it's over and (hopefully) something to leave them wanting more. Articles and stories without some kind of conclusion aren't artsy or dramatic, just frustrating. Remember, the point of erotica is for everyone (reader and writer) to have a good time.

Sex Blog Babe

Originally posted to Adult BackWash: Monday June 23, 2003

Sex blogs are getting popular, or at least with people who have an interest in reading or writing about sex. This is sort of a sex blog. Not entirely since, for one thing, I'm not having any to write about. For another thing I don't update as often as the blog purists would say is necessary. Anyway, I still don't see myself being a sex blogger. It would be strange to write about my body parts and what I did with them for mass public consumption. It sounds almost pornographic!

For me, wallflower that I am, this is more than enough. It's not easy pulling out some idea worthy of Adult BackWash once a week. Who really feels that absorbed with sex? Not me.


I do think someone who would write a sex blog and keep it updated must have quite a huge preoccupation with sex and sex stuff. Maybe you think it would be easy to write a sex blog cause you think about sex all the time. But, try it.

Anyway, it's interesting to see who writes them. I like to read about the people behind the blogs. What led them to writing a sex blog, what do they get out of it and mostly, what keeps them going.

At least it is a step up from being a phone sex 'actress', at least as I see it. Sex bloggers can set their own hours, be less available physically and emotionally to their customers/ readers. That is an important difference. Pretty much the main reason I can't see myself becoming a phone sex person even though the money would be pretty great if not highly tempting. But, I don't want to have to listen to some guy jerking off and then hanging up on me when he's done. I want to be an important part of the whole process not just some handy tool.

So, the diva in me rises again. No wonder the part of sex blogging that most appeals to me is the fame. Maybe not the fame I always saw for myself when I was growing up, but fame none the less.

Anyway, if I ever do get a sex life again, I'll slip in a few details, a few interesting tidbits, just enough to whet your whistle and keep you wondering if I really did any of that or am I just another wallflower making it all up as I go along. You'll never really know will you. Hopefully I will.