Originally posted to Adult BackWash: Friday June 11, 2004
Don't laugh... but did you know people are afraid of me? More specifically, men are afraid of me. I can hear you laughing. It's true though.
Not all men of course. Just those who get a bit close to me and not counting my brother of course. Brothers are on a planet of their own. Boyfriends past are afraid to hurt me. At least that is what I am assuming. I'm not made of glass, china or highly flammable polyester. Yet they fear hurting me. Causing damage. All that stuff. They don't want to tell me when things are over. They hesitate, delay and wait. I'm not sure what they are waiting for. The right time? Is there a right time to break up with someone? How about 4 o'clock? That could become the official right time. Give those guys a proper time to make it easier for them, and me.
It's not fun waiting for a guy to tell you it's over. I don't like it at all. Todd, my ex husband, waited at least 5 months to tell me. All that time I thought he was mad at me for something. He didn't speak to me. How was I to know he was just waiting for the right time?
In the case of Eric, this time I didn't settle for being the princess in the ivory tower. I asked him as directly as I had the courage to do. Even then I waited a week and wrote again to tell him we were broken up myself. I don't see how you can imagine yourself as a couple when it's pretty plain he considers you aren't, in deeds if not in so many words. So Eric is gone. He doesn't want a relationship right now. He is happy with his life as it was, before me.
The whole problem with me, I'm coming to see, is that I take up space. How silly of me. I'd be perfect if I could be invisible and without substance somehow. Or maybe the robot woman.
The match for the robot man I wanted myself. Is that the secret after all this time? Do men and women really not want each other at all. What everyone really wants, the ideal life partner, is mechanical or artificial, perhaps even disposable. Someone you can store under the bed, in the closet, or the garage? Take them out to use as needed and then push them aside into some corner until needed or wanted again. The ultimate relationship is with someone who takes up no space. Maybe robots could be made to shrink when not in use. Just add water to have your instant significant other as desired. You'd never have to make room in your home or your life for an artificial life form.
Which brings you to the point where you have to wonder why you ever wanted it in the first place.
