I posted to an email list for a local BDSM group. They are having a munch in a few days and I thought I would introduce myself and let them know I was thinking to attend. That might sound arrogant, but I'm a bit shy of meeting a group of people in a downtown bar. I'm not the bar type, wallflowers generally go to events where people aren't "getting wasted" or giving up their inhibitions and self control. We actually like polite gatherings like tea parties, church bazaars and garden shows.
Anyway, I had three emails in reply, off the list. One (the first I read) was great, a very nice welcome to the list and encouragement to attend and not feel out of place. I appreciated that one. It was, first of all, kind and second of all respectful of me as a person.
The other two emails made me feel under attack. How could someone, a grown up, send a list of his sexual demands and preferences to a perfect stranger, unasked? No introduction, or any kind of greeting/ salutation, just right to the gritty stuff. It was impersonal form mail with typos and grammar mistakes. It was rude or at the very least extremely impolite. I did not ask for any kind of onslaught but I certainly got it.
I was angry and a little upset. It was certainly disconcerting to be shown into some strange man's bedroom without ever seeing the front door. Do they think every female is a hooker or just treat them all that way? At the scent of a woman they pounced, eagerly listing all their desires, demands and what they expect in a woman.
Well, I didn't ask!!! What's more, I don't even want to know. I don't want to know how much you like bondage, sex toys, what your limits are and how eager you are to be Dommed. Before you tell me all your sexual needs how about telling me who the F**K you are!!!
More than that... how about having some interest in who I am. Obviously they can have no real interest in me. They asked nothing about who I am, what I like, what I do, etc. Obviously, they don't care if I sometimes feel vulnerable and find it hard to trust people. Obviously, I don't matter as I'm only something they can use to masturbate with.
Anyway, I definitely feel rattled by the attack emails. I don't know if I will go to the munch. I don't want the live version of attack emails. Can you imagine walking into a room, feeling nervous, unsure and suddenly having two men stick their cocks in your face? Don't laugh, that's how it feels.
PS- For those who read these columns expecting stroke fodder, piss off. There is a lot more to life and people.
PPS - Yes, I'm angry. Bite me.
